My Angel
by EvaBeaver
Summary: Told from riku's pov- riku and sora were best friends, and new found lovers. now riku tells of how it all started... and ended. CHAPTER 7 UP, SORRY FOR THE WAIT!
1. PROLOGUE Riku's Heartbreak

All right here goes!! This is just the prologue, so don't worry about it being short and not even a story yet, I just want to see if it's an ok start. k?  
  
Well as you can see it's just Riku's opinions on everything, outlining the tragedy, bla bla bla, you know the deal!!  
  
Well PLEASE review and I will love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, and so forth.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Nothing matters now.  
  
I want my angel back.  
  
I can't eat, and I can't sleep.  
  
I can't do anything anymore.  
  
Without him here, I don't want to do anything.  
  
He's gone. He's not coming back.  
  
And I'm helpless.  
  
I've never been a particularly good person, and maybe this is what I deserve for not believing I could fall in love. When it was there all along, I couldn't imagine what it would be like, so I therefore blindly thought it could never be.  
  
With someone so wonderful by my side the whole time, I could never imagine anyone more important. I guess I just never thought about it properly, never imagined him to be the love of my life.  
  
It's a rare occasion to grow up with the person you're in love with, and I have always been a strict non-believer in fate and destiny and such romanticism as that. So falling in love was the last thing I expected, at such a tender age of seventeen. Actually, I suppose I had been in love all along, just never realised it.  
  
My opinion of love was that it was strange that somebody could fall in love solely through somebody's inner beauty, that people romanticise everything and pretend that the sexual attraction has nothing to do with it.  
  
I found it so hard to believe that people with such ugly personalities can fall in love like they claim to, though if there's anything I've learned, it's that anyone can fall in love. Everybody is its victim.  
  
Now I know why I never believed in love- because I thought true love was always supposed to have a fairy tale ending. It seems that love never has that fairy tale ending.  
  
It's such a cruel world, one that shows a seventeen year old what it feels like to bleed from the depths of your heart, and never stop, forever laying in a trench of woe I'm unable to escape from.  
  
The future used to scare me, the one thing that protruded from my strong personality. Now the future doesn't scare me at all, it's like all purpose has been etched away and regardless of anything people say, I won't do anything about it. The future is something that I wish would leave me alone. I don't want a future if he's not going to be in it. And there's nothing I can do to make that happen.  
  
I used to be passionate about things; I used to get involved in them. My art and my acting, my sport, my writing, they all let me released my passion, the passion I had not yet realised I had for my angel.  
  
I don't ever want to feel passion again, or my heart will ache for the hugest of passions I have ever felt, the love I felt for him. That passion shan't be fulfilled, for he is gone from me, and had I not been so blind, my time with him could have been spent better.  
  
There would have been no confusion, no sadness on his behalf and mine, no regret. Every passion-spent moment would have been a moment of bliss. My angel created my heaven, and now simply saying his name creates a pain that I cannot deter.  
  
This is our story, our passion, our love. I love you Sora, my angel.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Anyways, please review and tell me if it's ok. You don't have to tell me it sucks, but a bit of creative criticism is fine with me!! I'll take in any creative criticism with good grace and a whole lot of style ^-^  
  
Now review, and I will give you a prize!! A cookie in fact *takes out box of cookies* Be good now!! 


	2. CHAPTHER 1: The Dream

Thanks to you guys who reviewed, I really appreciate it!! Thanks for not being mean ^_^ I am eternally grateful *bows*  
  
Anyway, here are the replies to your reviews, you lucky devils!! Yutaan: Woah, calm down you 2! He's just 17 because the story starts when he's 15, but he's 17 when he tells it ok? Good!! I wont give away what happened, tis truly tragic *sniff* but you'll find out!! Zelphie: Ow, I'm sowwi!! Don't you worry your little head off though, after this sad story, I WILL make a good one where Sora and Riku end up together. but you have to read this one first even though it is real sad V_V Setsu: Your cookie will arrive some time in the mail, I promise *shifts eyes* anywho, if you like sad fics then this is for you. WAAAAAH!! Sora otaku: thanks, good to know you like it!! I'm the kind of person to update really quickly so don't worry about that! CursedAngelOfSephiroth: Yes, there will be plenty passionate memorable embraces *snigger* Oh I'm so cruel!! Sakura-MiZuKo: Gee wiz, thanks a bunch! Glad to know that someone out there likes me *gasp* well so far my remarks have all been peachy, yay!! Kagami Onna: Ooh, I'm on someones favourites list *does a happy dance* yeah, well I hope the emotion did you good, it killed me inside to write about poor widdle ri so heartbroken *sniff* well so long as u try to review I'm all good ^.~  
  
Well, hope you guys like it and please follow up on the reviews, I'll be happy to hear from new and old reviewers alike!! Huggles to you all!!! Well this chappie pretty much shows you when the lurve starts (well, when dirty little boys start thinking dirty little thoughts) Enjoy my lovelies!!  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 1- The Dream  
  
Sora and I met the day he was born, so I suppose technically I hadn't known him for my whole life, but for the whole of his instead. That was far more important anyway.  
  
I can never remember a time when I wasn't with Sora, and we had always been best friends. Our futures were planned around each other and there was nothing we couldn't do when we were together.  
  
Then it all started, and we had never known it would do this. Else I would have shut it out, no matter how deeply in love I was.  
  
***  
  
I was 15 years old, carefree, popular and happy. I strolled across the beach of Destiny Islands, kicking the sand beneath my bare feet.  
  
It was an early morning and I had decided to take a walk before school, and go back to wake up Sora, giving him just enough time to jump into clothes and gulp down a rather large breakfast- a daily ritual for us.  
  
I looked out to the gently lapping waves and felt an urge to run out an immerse myself in the beautiful depths, but, as I reminded myself, I didn't want to come to class soaked in salt water!  
  
I was so immersed in thought that I had ceased to notice the loud beeping noise coming from my watch. I smiled, pressing the button to turn off the alarm, happy that it was finally time to wake up my best friend from his slumber. It was always worth a laugh seeing him twist and turn as I whispered for him to "wake up snookums" or "get up pumpkin pie".  
  
It was a little game I played with him, and it was the highlight of my day, considering he would always answer me back with something relating to whatever he was dreaming of at the time.  
  
I had never met anybody who dreamed as much as Sora. Sometimes I accidentally woke him up by laughing too loud- and who wouldn't after hearing a thumb-sucking Sora squeal excitedly as he murmured, "Mummy, you got me a Mr. Hunny Bunny!". That was at the very top of my favourites, and I laughed so hard at it that Sora woke up gasping, clutching at his chest, glaring at me suspiciously.  
  
So now I raced back to Sora's house, careful to get there before his mum could wake him up and spoil my little game. I reached the door panting, leaning heavily against the door as I waited to catch my breath. Eventually I did and rapped at the door several times in the easily distinguishable tune that Sora and I had been using ever since we were old enough to reach the doorknob.  
  
"Er. Ugh. Hold on Ri!!" came the familiar muffled voice of Sora's mum from the kitchen. No doubt she's fixing up our breakfast, I thought with a grin. There was a sudden scramble and a click as Sora's mum fiddled with the door hurriedly, swiping it open just long enough for me to slip in before she nudged it shut with her knee. She was balancing a carton of eggs in her hand, a bag of flour sticking out of her mouth.  
  
"Mm... Mmmp... Hmsstmm... Ikmm.mm," she said, somehow twisting her face into a warm smile, flicking her wispy brown hair out of her face in a swift move of her head before hurrying off back to the kitchen. She was so nice; it was almost like I had two pairs of parents with her and Sora's dad.  
  
"Thanks Mrs. C, I'll wake him," I smirked as I descended their little spiral stairs as quietly as humanly possible, in case I woke up Sora (although that was pretty hard, considering the only way I have ever been able to wake him up is shouting in his ear, violently shaking him by the shoulders, or, of course, laughing too loud!).  
  
I reached the top of the stairs and almost instantly reached his bedroom door. The Destiny Islands' houses always seemed to be like this- each doorway or stairway was squished up closely to another, yet somehow they would never seem cluttered.  
  
I creaked the door open and my eyes fell upon the sea of blankets wrapped messily like a cacoon around the curled up body. Spiky brown hair protruded from the mass and a smooth tanned forehead poked out below it. The rest was hidden in blankets.  
  
I swiftly tiptoed around the sprawled out clothes on the floor to stand beside his head. I knelt down until I was inches away from his face, an evil grin forming on my face. I watched in case he was going to move or talk without me talking to him first, as he sometimes did. Today's not one of those days, I thought, sighing as I raised my hand to where his blankets were wrapped around the bottom half of his face.  
  
I swiftly tucked his blankets down below his bare shoulders, and my grin grew as I noticed the satisfied smile that played on his lips widening. He was nuzzling his pillow lovingly, and I had to stifle a giggle.  
  
This one was sure going to be up there on the list with his hunny bunny dream! So, I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything, I just watched and waited for him to speak.  
  
*~*~Sora's Dream~*~*  
  
Sora lay on the night beach, wearing nothing but his boxers. His feet were lightly kicking the end of the waves as they lapped up near his legs. He felt at peace.  
  
"Riku?" he sighed breathily.  
  
There was no reply from the figure beside him. Sora tilted his head to the side to take a peek at the dark angel that was his best friend.  
  
He was lying back sitting at a slant, leaning on his muscular arms. His stern face was turned to the sky and his sleek silver hair hung down his neck, glinting in the moonlight.  
  
Sora bit his lip as he ran his eyes up and down Riku's body hungrily. He felt like reaching out to caress Riku's toned physic, extinguishing the flaming passion that was burning throughout his whole body. He could feel it flowing through his veins, coming to the end of his fingers and toes and circling its way around and back, burning eternally.  
  
He could feel himself lick his dry lips slowly, wiping his hand across his sweaty brow before delving into his messy hair.  
  
Riku laughed softly, beautifully. Sora, startled, looked up at him curiously. Riku's eyes trickled their way slowly over just barely before thrusting out his strong arm to grip Sora's wrist, making Sora's every nerve tingle excitedly. He let out a little gasp of surprise, and he could sense Riku's glittering eyes as if they were praising him for reacting so dramatically.  
  
Riku arched his body as he turned to his side, and very suddenly pulled Sora into his embrace possessively. Sora moaned at the long awaited feeling of Riku's body pressed against him, his hand clasped on his back, moving and caressing him, slowly and lovingly.  
  
"I've been waiting for you." Sora sighed, finally glad to be able to tell Riku how he had fallen in love with him, how thoughts had been passing through his head, feelings flowing through his body. the fact that he was gay at all.  
  
Sora had never been able to tell Riku because he had always thought he could have anyone he wanted, and it was true, he could. Until now, Sora had highly doubted that Riku could ever return his feelings. Sora was almost reduced to tears every time he saw Riku leaning back against his locker talking and flirting with all the blushing high school teens as they giggled and hung off his every word.  
  
It's not that Sora was ashamed of being gay, he had always known how accepting everyone would be. it's just that everybody had assumed Sora would grow up, marry Kairi and have a family. What Sora really wanted was to hold Riku for eternity, and to be held in return. He just hadn't been able to reveal to everyone how fake the life he was living actually was.  
  
But now, as Riku held him close expectantly, he felt a sigh of relief. He was ready to let his emotions flood out and wash away his built up sorrow. But before he had a chance to speak another word, Riku's glistening eyes had snapped shut and his soft lips were pressed against Sora's, his hands exploring Sora's tousled hair. Sora responded as he draped his arms around Riku's neck, opening his mouth as he awaited the welcoming of Riku's responsive mouth, who darted his tongue inside Sora's mouth, thrusting it deeply inside as Sora caressed it passionately with his own, groaning with the pleasure of his true love's lust. Sora ran his hand down the side of Riku's body, lips still embracing Riku's, pulling Riku's thigh across until he was half lying on top of him, beginning to caress Sora's leg. Riku's hand began to creep up the inside of Sora's thigh, but as soon as Sora reached out to clutch at his true love closer, stronger.  
  
But he was gone.  
  
"Riku?"  
  
Sora's eyes shot open as he saw a dreamy-eyed Riku sitting, holding his knees, smiling. He leapt up and took a huge step back, grinning more seductively than ever.  
  
"Riku, please." Sora pleaded, hearing Riku's voice saying something distantly, "kiss me, just once more! I'm in love with you Riku."  
  
At that, Riku outstretched his hand to Sora, but before he could reach him, all was gone.  
  
*~*~End Dream~*~*  
  
I had been sitting beside Sora for a couple of minutes, just thinking, fiddling with my fingers, when I heard a mumble coming from Sora that I couldn't quite distinguish. I smirked, seeing him moan as he continued to nuzzle his pillow. I leaned closer to his face, and I could feel quick gasping breaths heat my skin.  
  
All of a sudden he took in a quick, deep breath as I saw his face change with genuine sadness. He mumbled something again, squirming as though he was trying to find something desperately.  
  
"Oh, what is it my darling?" I mocked.  
  
What he said next was not a mumble. I heard it loud and clear. It made me fall back with a crash, turn ghostly white, stunned me unexpectedly.  
  
"Kiss me, just once more! I'm in love with you. Riku." 


	3. CHAPTER 2: awkward

Ok, here I am again!! I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally sorry about taking so long but I've had heaps of homework to do and it's really annoying! Plus, at one stage I had this annoying writers block and I didn't know how to introduce everything and make it all kinda. you know! No? whatever!  
  
Anyway, thanks to you guys who reviewed (Sora otaku [keep on at it with your fic, it's only just started and u should write moooore!!] , Kagami Onna [teehee, yes I wish I had a pic of Ri's face when he heard Sora, oh I would die laughing!], Heather Christi [gee that's cool, you're under my spell!! *does happy dance* thanks for all the praising, a girl can never get enough ^_^], Cardel [oh wow, I was so hoping you would review!! I luuuuuurve songs and dreams and if you approve I feel worthy *claps*) because I love you all, and everyone who didn't review. shame, shame on you all! Unless you review this chapter, then all is forgiven my children U_U  
  
Thanks to you guys who reviewed, I really appreciate it and I would love for all of you guys to review and feedback (whether that be good or *gulp* bad) because how else will I know if I'm doing alright? ^_^ Well anywho, I hope you enjoy this chappie and pleeeeeeeeeease say you love it *bats eyelashes*  
  
Ok then, what you all gotta do is review, savvy? Nice, seeya next time!!  
  
Nothing could have prepared me for Sora's outburst. he was. in love. with me? This just wasn't real; I had to have imagined it! But no. it was as real as ever and I hadn't been hearing things.  
  
My eyes were widened with horror, as I started to wonder what the hell was going on.  
  
Sora, my best friend. Sora, who wasn't even gay! Or. was he? Suddenly it crossed my mind and it began to make sense. He had never even kissed a girl, not even Kairi who everyone assumed he was going to end up with sooner or later. I mean, everyone knows Sora's not the kind of guy who takes a hint easily, even when Kairi was hanging off him like that it didn't surprise us that they hadn't officially gotten together. But now that I thought about it, maybe there was a better reason apart from his ignorant personality.  
  
I felt myself sway, backing away raggedly and slamming into the wall as I flailed my arms out to try and steady myself, failing miserably. I landed on the ground with a dramatic crash. I could almost feel the colour drain from my face as I saw two azure eyes snap open, reacting to the loud crash.  
  
"Hmph." he pouted as he slid into an upright position and flexed his tummy as he stretched and yawned.  
  
He still failed to notice me sitting against his bedroom wall, huddled up in a messy heap, not that I particularly minded.  
  
He fiddled to clutch at his blankets, pulling them up and thrusting them away from his body as he swung his legs to the side of his bed so he could sit up straight, facing me and still not noticing that I was there (god he could be so ignorant).  
  
My face turned beet red as I noticed the bulge protruding from his lap as he stretched once more. He opened his eyes, flustering slightly.  
  
"Eh. hey Riku," he muttered softly, slipping a pillow over to rest on his lap as he blushed a rosy pink and smirked at me, obviously thinking I hadn't seen (or heard) anything.  
  
I clenched my teeth together and smiled sheepishly at him as I fought a bloody battle to focus my eyes on his face rather than his half naked body. what? What had I just been thinking? His. body?  
  
"Heh. um, well I'm gonna go take a shower," Sora exclaimed as he raised a questioning eyebrow at me for my obvious strange behaviour.  
  
I squinted my eyes at him and bit my lip, trying not to widen my eyes in disbelief. All I could answer with was an incomprehensible grumble as I forced a grin and nodded towards the bathroom to hurry him up.  
  
He laughed and tapped me lightly on the head, ruffling my hair affectionately. I gulped and chuckled nervously, slightly recoiling from his touch.  
  
"Geez Ri, I haven't got cooties!"  
  
I stuck my tongue out at him playfully, thankful that it was finally confirmed that he had no idea why I would shrink back from him. There it was again, Sora's ignorance. I began to regret giving in to weakness before- the almighty Riku give in to a little shock? Never! The almighty Riku blushing like a little schoolgirl? Never ever! Well, it had happened, and I thanked god that it was only Sora who saw it.  
  
"Well. off to the shower then, Sora." I hinted, seeing him stare off into space and not wanting to know what on earth he was daydreaming about.  
  
"Er. right," he grinned, shifting his eyes to the floor and sleepily shuffling his feet in a movement that remotely resembled walking as he fumbled with the door and slipped into the bathroom, kicking it shut as soon as he was inside.  
  
I ran my shaky hand through my hair and clenched a fist with my free hand. I never thought I would have to face an awkward moment with Sora, my bestest buddy-o-pal in the whole universe. No way would I let this little misunderstanding get in the way of our friendship, I wasn't the kind of guy to just give up like that.  
  
Anyway, maybe I misinterpreted this whole thing. Maybe Sora had been dreaming about Kairi and I just happened to be there too. After all, I was his best friend and our whole futures were planned around each other. Yeah, that had to be it. But doubt filled my mind, and for the first time in my life I was utterly afraid. For the first time in my life there was something I couldn't fix by talking to Sora about it because if I did I ran the risk of scaring away my only true friend. The only person who really loved me for who I was, not how talented I was, not my looks or popularity. Sora loved me because I was me. And there was no way I was going to screw up my relationship with someone so special to me just because of a little misunderstanding.  
  
"Boys?" came a voice from outside Sora's room. It was Sora's mum of course, and Riku hesitantly lifted himself to his feet and swiftly pulled the door open.  
  
"Hey there Riku, do you and Sora wanna come down for some brekkie now?"  
  
"Oh, um. Sora's kind of in the shower right now so we."  
  
"Hey I'm here, I'm here!" squealed a little brown haired boy with a towel draped around his waist. He rubbed his hair with his towel, somehow making his hair even messier that usual and slipped on a loose top. He flung his towel off, wearing, to my relief, boxer's underneath, and clumsily pulled on his jeans, managing to trip over three times in the process. He slipped on odd socks, which just happened to be lying around, and jumped into his shoes as he raced towards the door, grasping my gloved hand and yanking me down the stairs hurriedly and into the kitchen. You just couldn't come between this boy and his food!  
  
Sora grabbed a plate and plopped himself down at the table as he picked a large quantity of everything on the table, from the pancakes to the bacon and eggs, some cereal and steak and ice cream- you name it he was eating it! I had lost my appetite with all the confusion of the morning and had decided, in order to be polite, to simply have an egg. I sat there poking at my yolk as it spilled out on to a piece of toast, watching it turn soggy and yellow.  
  
"Smm, hmmph-pmm?" Sora exclaimed, swallowing his mouthful, "I heard it's gonna be a whole lot of fun! We should go."  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him suggestively. Surely he hadn't expected me to understand what he had said then? Obviously he had, because he was looking at me hopefully, awaiting my answer, shovelling more food into his mouth.  
  
"Sora, you might want to try swallowing before you start talking?" I suggested, amused, putting a lot of emphasis on the word before.  
  
He pouted, that famous Sora pout.  
  
"Hey, I thought it was pretty clear," he huffed defensively, "Selphie's party..." he finished, before stuffing his face with a pancake wrapped around a slab of ice cream.  
  
"Yeah, how could I possibly not show up? I would be the guest of honour anyhow," I smirked.  
  
Sora and I always jested about how superior one was to the other, and I always seemed to feel so sorry for Sora in the end because even though I had set out to win, when I got all the girls to side with me he would go into a little pouting fit and he looked so damn adorable when he did it!!  
  
"Ha! Yeah right! It's me they want; all those girls will be chasing me all over the party."  
  
Sora smirked in amusement as he noticed me biting my lip in thought, spacing out at what he had said. 'I wonder if he really likes girls' I thought, trying as hard as I could to remember a time when he had shown any real interest in the female species.  
  
"Hey! Ri! You there?" Sora smirked evilly as he pushed his empty plate into the middle of the table. It slid towards me and I looked nervously at his empty plate as opposed to my squished mush that was once an egg and a piece of toast.  
  
"Eh. Sora, how about we get going? I mean school starts in twenty minutes and Tidus wanted us to pick him up from his house, so..."  
  
"Sure, let's go," Sora replied as he slid from his seat and casually made his way to the door as I jumped up and walked behind him. I pulled on my shoes quickly before hurriedly walking outside. I sighed at the beautiful shore, waves lapping up carefully on it.  
  
Suddenly Sora swirled around to face me as he flashed me one of his cheeky grins.  
  
"Oh. um, I forgot, we were meant to pick up Kairi down here before but. well since we forgot I'm sure she won't mind."  
  
"Sora, Kairi will be so pissed off at you! You know how she gets when she gets ignored or neglected or."  
  
"Well yeah, but it'll blow over," he replied, still holding that cheeky grin. I frowned worriedly. Sora had been doing this a lot lately, forgetting about little things with Kairi. He didn't seem very concerned either. could this be to do with.? I immediately dismissed the thought from my mind and let out a low sigh, making a waving gesture with my hand towards Sora as I sprung off towards Tidus' house with Sora following close behind.  
  
I hummed tunelessly as I could feel the wind flowing through my hair and hitting my face, making a wonderfully cool sensation. I loved running, it made me felt free, and when I was running beside Sora there was nothing more I needed to feel happy.  
  
I slowed my pace gradually as we approached Tidus' house.  
  
"Ooph! Heh. sorry Ri."  
  
I could hear a faint murmur coming from the boy who had just come to a sudden halt as he smashed into my side. Of course, I made no move to flinch. I never flinched, just smiled and shook my head at the little brunette's attempt to hide his mistake by punching my shoulder lightly.  
  
"Well, are we gonna go and see if Tidus is up and ready or not?" I chuckled gently while edging away from his weak punch. Sora blushed slightly and gave me a cheesy grin, nodding his head enthusiastically.  
  
I stepped up to the door and tapped an even three knocks on the door lazily, Sora standing behind me in his usual casual stance.  
  
A blonde woman with sleek hair and a suit answered the door impatiently. She was holding a mobile phone and tapping her foot as she looked to see who was here. She started to smile when she saw Sora and I standing there.  
  
"Oh, boys! I'm sorry but Tidus has already gone, didn't you know? He had to get to school early for blitzball practice."  
  
"Oh. yeah. I forgot," Sora said, slapping his forehead.  
  
"Sora," I said through gritted teeth, "Can you PLEASE stop forgetting things like this?"  
  
Sora turned a red face towards the ground and spat out a defeated mumble. I laughed and thanked Tidus' mum before I grabbed Sora's arm and yanked him in the direction of school. Sora shook his arm out of my grip to my surprise.  
  
"Hey Ri. can we just walk to school today? You know, no running, just. talking," he said awkwardly, giving me a soft smile.  
  
"Sure Sora."  
  
Uhoh. What did he want to talk about? I had just started to block out what I'd heard this morning and now Sora wanted some alone time. This was starting to get scary!  
  
We were just walking next to each other, each of us silent except for our even breathing and our feet raggedly sinking into the sand as we walked.  
  
"Ri." 


	4. CHAPTER 3: confusion

Guess who's back? ^_^ ME!! Ok, I know you kinda already assumed that but.oh well!! Heh.heh.ahem  
  
Riku: -_- She's going crazy again  
  
Me: Hey!! Shuddup you!! *gets out whip*  
  
Sora: DON'T HURT MY RIKUUUUUUUU!! *starts sobbing*  
  
Riku: *takes whip and starts whipping Eva*  
  
Ouchies!! Ok you two, I'll get to the point *sticks out tongue* Geez, so touchy when it comes to each other you little lovebirds!! ANYWAYS, thanks for the reviews and please don't lose hope, I'm REALLY trying to update as soon as I can!!  
  
Thanks to:  
  
Sora Otaku- hmph, let me guess... AMBER? Am I right am I right? Oh please say I'm right, I'm begging you!! Thanks for the review!  
  
Sora Lover: Angel Of Darkness- yep, I'll continue.right now ^_^  
  
Heather Christi- I know I know, KINGDOM HEARTS 2!!!! Oh won't it be just so exciting? For now all I can do is watch the trailer over...and over...and over...you get the point! Well I'll never tire of you saying my fic is awesome, so please continue ~_^  
  
Cardel: I'm hurryin I'm hurryin!! Just for you teehee, and just so you'll hurry with Songs And Dreams!! Love that fic more than any other, it's like the first SoraxRiku fic I actually fell in love with. Anywho, yes I know Sora's cute, Riku's Riku and it's wonderful to see them like that!!  
  
Ok, now where did we leave off? Ohhh, that's right! So Sora and Riku are walking down the beach...side by side...alone...*snicker* I love these kinds of situation, I make those two all anxious and they're both standing there going "Heh...er...um...heh...*gulp*...er...hm..." and it's SO funny!! Well yeah I couldn't think of how to work this out so I'm trying something so that Riku doesn't find out straight away (or this story would be extremely short) yet Sora really tries...oh that poor boy, I'm putting him through hell *laughs evilly before Sora shoots a scary glare* Eeeh...alrightey, off we go on our adventure, here's chapter 3 of My Angel!!  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Ri..."  
  
My head shot up to face Sora. We had been walking silently half the way to school and I had been so immersed in thought that I had almost forgotten that I was walking. I had a lot to think about.  
  
"Yeah Sora?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
I waited for Sora to speak up again, but all he seemed to be able to do was open and close his mouth indecisively making him strangely resemble a fish. I wasn't so sure I actually wanted him to talk, so I just stood and waited. Maybe he would just start blabbing about Kairi and put my buzzing mind to rest.  
  
"I.nunna mmnkrrrp," he blurted out.  
  
I raised my eyebrows and fought a giggle that bubbled up inside me. What the hell did that mean?  
  
I looked at Sora expectantly, hoping that he would justify his mumble and tell me what he had actually meant to say. However, he seemed to be giving me the same expectant look as though what he had said had made perfect sense. Eventually I let out a long sigh and spoke up.  
  
"Sora, that made no sense whatsoever," I smirked humorously receiving a slight pout from the boy beside me. He furrowed his brow in frustration as if I had just asked him to do something completely unreasonable.  
  
"Hmph..." Sora grumbled as he swore under his breath, "Hey! Let's go over to the paopu tree!" he yelled suddenly, leaping up on to the bridge and sprinting across to the little island. I sighed again. Aren't best friends supposed to understand each other? I sure as hell didn't understand what was going on with Sora.  
  
I waded into the water and climbed the ladder to the island, swinging myself up to sit on the paopu tree before Sora even reached it.  
  
"Ow."  
  
Sora gave me a defeated look and leaned back against the paopu tree, almost lying because of how it slanted. Class didn't start for ages, and we could afford to laze around. That's how we always loved it, and even though Sora wasn't a morning person, he would never trade sleep for a lazy day with me. That's what best friends are for after all. Best friends...  
  
"Riku?" Sora squeaked. It was barely audible and I had to raise my head to look at him to see if he had actually said it.  
  
"Mm-hmm."  
  
"Do... do you... um..."  
  
I gave Sora a worried look. He sure was doing a lot of mumbling and stuttering this morning and it just wasn't like him. Maybe the dream. No, the dream was nothing. It was just a figment of my imagination and I must have thought it up. I was being paranoid and stupid and it didn't deserve a second thought. But I couldn't help but wonder.  
  
Suddenly Sora's thoughtful expression changed as if a light bulb had suddenly appeared above his head.  
  
"Ha! Yeah, let's... let's go on a double date to Selph's party... I'll go with Kairi and you can go with... well... anyone..." Sora said, and I swore I almost heard a hint of sulkiness as he lowered his head.  
  
"Um... k Sora..."  
  
I was looking at him suspiciously. He looked as thought he had just regretted what he said! Why would he have said it if he hadn't wanted to? But Sora wasn't looking at me. He was just staring out at the see with eyes that almost pleaded and for the first time I felt like wrapping him in my arms and protecting him from whatever was hurting him so much. Obviously there was something he wanted to tell me... but if he couldn't tell me I couldn't force him.  
  
I held on to the trunk of the paopu tree and pulled myself up as far as I could, swinging as soon as I got there and then instantly releasing my grip as I plunged into the knee-deep water, splashing water all up my body. I didn't care.  
  
Sora snapped out of his state and turned his wide eyes towards me, standing far below him and smiling up at him as I watched him fend off the tiny splashes of water that flew up and hit him in the face. He stuck his tongue out at me and hung his head, swinging similarly, not into the water, but back on the island. His movements seemed to natural and I wondered how he did it so carelessly, still hanging his head low as he trudged down the bridge and purposely slipped himself down and back on to the sand.  
  
Geez, I was turning really soft! Since when did I pay attention to detail like that, to people's movements, at least when I wasn't playing sport? Hmmm... Well, I was a thoughtful person I suppose, I do notice things...  
  
I could see something moving out of the corner of my eye and I noticed that I had forgotten about Sora who was slowly making his way across the beach, drawing things in the sand as he moved along.  
  
"Hey! HEY! Sora, wait up!" I yelled irritably as I sprinted off towards him. Why wasn't he waiting for me? I don't think he had even heard me yell to him!  
  
"Sora!" I panted as I reached a couple of metres away from him, seeing him furiously scribble out his little sand drawings as I neared him. This was just getting too damn annoying now.  
  
"Sora, we need to talk!" I boomed, and I knew I was being intimidating. I had meant to be, and I knew I always had that power over Sora... and over just about everyone else.  
  
"Talk?" Sora's whispered as his face began to whiten.  
  
"Yes talk! What is wrong with you Sora? You're getting too weird right now!" I spat out the words like venom, so annoyed now that I demanded an answer. This morning was strange enough without him running away and getting all dreamy. Wasn't I supposed to be the dreamer?  
  
"Why would we need to talk?"  
  
Sora looked at me with hopeful eyes and I didn't know what on earth he was so damn hopeful about. Maybe he just didn't want me to beat him up or yell at him again, though he knew I would never do anything to hurt him if I knew it would.  
  
"Sora did you listen? Surely you noticed your behaviour."  
  
I lowered my voice slightly. Maybe I was getting too worked up about this...  
  
"Heh, just got things on my mind Ri."  
  
He punched my arm lightly, but the colour in his face still wasn't restored one bit and I didn't believe a thing he was saying. He plopped down on the sand and crossed his legs. He picked up the stick he was using earlier and began to draw swirls in the sand as he plonked his chin in his free hand. His big azure eyes followed the stick's pointy end as it dug along the sand in curving motions, almost entrancing me in some simple way. I slowly lowered myself next to him on my knees, smiling warmly at him.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
He gave me and uneasy look at that, and immediately shifted his eyes back to the sand, mumbling a simple "Nothing."  
  
I sighed, and reminded myself that he didn't have to share it with me if he didn't want to, though I had to admit I felt a little hurt that my best friend since he was born didn't want to tell me something that was very obviously bothering the hell out of him.  
  
I stood up and dusted my butt off from the sand sticking to my wet pants, noticing widened eyes shift to watch me, and beautiful white teeth clenching on rose petal lips, slender fingers trembling.  
  
I finally got off all the sand and looked at Sora uneasily. I slowly outstretched my hand to him, smiling cheekily.  
  
Sora gasped at my motion to my surprise and I looked at him startled, still outstretching my hand to him.  
  
He scurried to his knees, springing up to his feet as he swallowed my whole body in an embrace so tight I could hardly breathe. I could feel him shuddering violently and realised he was sobbing.  
  
"Don't... ever go... don't disappear like that... ever again!" he wailed as he clung to me.  
  
I was so stunned and for a moment I just stood there limp, with my hands hanging down the side of my body before I patted Sora's back gently. This was just too much... had he just said... don't go? What was he talking about?  
  
"Hey, Sora, I'm not going anywhere," I cooed soothingly into his ear as he buried his face in my chest.  
  
"It's too similar to it... I thought it was just a dream..." he cried, still not making any sense to me. Wait... the dream... oh no, was this to do with the dream? Had Sora thought... oh...  
  
Suddenly I pulled away from him and he looked at me with longing eyes. He had stopped sobbing so violently and instead was standing there, silent tears trickling down his soft cheeks, his eyes reddened with tears.  
  
I could almost see his heart rip in two as I began to slowly turn around away from him. I could feel his lustful eyes tracing me again and I couldn't bear the thought. My Sora... this couldn't be happening! MY Sora was not gay!  
  
"Oh my god..." Sora whispered as he cursed under his breath. I got ready to run away from his prying eyes as he neared me. I felt exposed and naked to him... this wasn't how it had always been... what was happening?  
  
"Ri, I'm sorry."  
  
He sidestepped in front of me so that I was facing him and he took my chin and forced it up to look at him. I shook his hand free as I violently turned my head to the side. Sora brought his hand to his mouth and closed his eyes. As much as it hurt me to do this to him, I knew it would hurt me even more to look him in the eye.  
  
"Riku," he pleaded, "Listen to me! I know you're probably a bit confused but... but I had this dream and it was so real..."  
  
I almost felt like running, running far away. But I'm Riku... and that was Sora... we could withstand this. I knew it.  
  
"And you stretched your hand out to me and... And I tried to take it but then you were... you were... gone... it just looked so much like it Riku, I... Ri?"  
  
My face had turned to look at him again, and I felt like a fool. I had totally overreacted and now I had hurt Sora.  
  
"Riku! Talk to me!"  
  
After I stood there looking at him sadly, I finally spoke up and quickly spat the words out of my mouth.  
  
"I'm sorry Sora... I've got to go home."  
  
And at that I left him standing there, pleading eyes staring after me as I ran as fast as I could back to my house. After this I couldn't go to school, I wouldn't be able to stand everyone seeing into my soul and I knew that anyone who looked at me would be able to tell how hurt and stupid I felt. I was Riku... nobody could see what I truly was except Sora, and now I wouldn't even let Sora see me.  
  
I arrived at my house and fumbled around in my pocket as I found my keys to unlock the door. I suddenly felt relieved that my parents were workaholics, never there, and I slammed the door shut behind me. Today I would need to be alone, to think about what I had done and then leave it behind me, never mentioning it or thinking about it again. That was just how I worked.  
  
I slammed my keys on the kitchen table and kicked off my shoes. Normally I would put everything in its place where it's supposed to be, but today I just couldn't be bothered with it all. I ran a sweaty gloved hand through my sleek hair and swore as I clenched my fist.  
  
Before I thought about anything, I was going to let off some steam on my punching bag in the gym. Rich parents, pfft. At least they could provide me with a gym.  
  
I threw off my top and grabbed a hair elastic that was sitting beside my mum's bed, pulling the silver mass back into a low ponytail. The top layers of my wispy hair hung annoyingly around my face and I shook away a strand that was blowing around my eyes as I walked. I hurried as quickly as I could to be able to let out the tension that had built up from everything. I punched the bag hard once, for the hurt I had caused Sora. I punched the bag again for what I had mistakenly overheard and was so confused about. I punched it once more for the feelings that I couldn't figure out. Soon I was punching the bag furiously without reason, and I felt great to be able to let my emotions out so easily. For a whole hour I stood there, punching blow after blow as the bag rebounded to me as if asking to be punched. Over and over again I hit the bag, teeth clenched in a malicious smile.  
  
Suddenly I stopped and started to think... I can't keep doing this. My problems won't all be solved by violence, and my malice won't disappear if I fling my body against other objects... perhaps if I keep doing this, I'll end up monstrous and evil, and I'll lose all that's good and pure in my life. Then I'll be alone... and nothing will matter. And it'll all be my fault. I have to start being careful with the choices I make, and stop being so rash to hurt people, or nobody will want to be with me any longer... they won't want to be hurt whenever I feel negative feelings.  
  
That was the beginning of a long line of thought that I had as I flung my clothes everywhere and took a shower, standing there as I let the water immerse my body and cleanse me, wash away the angst I was feeling.  
  
As soon as I stepped out, I was extremely disappointed to find that my confusion still remained, but of course I had known that it wouldn't be that simple.  
  
If I wanted to feel better, I would have to sort this out the only way possible, and that was to talk to Sora. Talking to Sora would have been the best thing for me to do... had I not been so confused with what was happening.  
  
If Sora had dreamed that I had disappeared, then why had he asked me to kiss him once more? Surely he had been dreaming about romanticism involving me... it scared me to think that Sora had been thinking about this at all. I had always considered our relationship so amazingly brotherly that thinking about him feeling like that made me look back on some of the time we had spent together and wonder if everything was different to what I had thought it was.  
  
I lazily pulled on my pants and flopped on my bed, not caring at all that I was saturating my pillow with my soaked hair. I closed my eyes and decided to sleep, letting out a huge moan as I gently drifted off, out of thought... out of consciousness...  
  
***  
  
Well... hope ya'll liked it! I know it was crap, and it's fairly limited when it's only in Riku's point of view and I was almost tempted to write a little portion on Sora's hurt and how he REALLY felt, how everything REALLY is... but I said it was Ri's pov, and that's how I'm keeping it!! Coz I'm a good writer... yep, that's me...  
  
I really am sorry for leaving it there but if I kept going it would have gotten to a stage where it sounds stupid and the best way for me to change it all around was to end the chapter, so I'll get writing real soon ok?  
  
I reckon it's long enough, so as long as it satisfies me I'll be ok! Well I guess I'll see you guys next time, please review as soon as you can!!! And if you don't review, I won't write _ HA!! So yeah I'll know if you truly want me to keep going.  
  
xoxo Eva McBeava 


	5. CHAPTER 4: everything's ok!

Hello fellow peoples, I'm back (hate to be the one to tell you V_V)  
  
Well, thanks for the reviews and everything, and thanks to you guys who are sticking with me so far, I'm a pretty inexperienced writer and so it means a lot to me that you're reading it. Thanks for not being mean ^_^  
  
Well... if this chap is really boring and all, please don't think it's all gonna be like this but I have to get this out of the way before I can play with the boys any further- they can't very well not be talking for the whole time!! So yeah, I have to just reconcile them before I can do all the rest... yes, I do have ideas!!!  
  
Well thanks to: CursedAngelofSephiroth- MEEP!! ^_^ Me? I gave u an idea?! Oh wowee I feel so fluffy inside!!! Sorry, thanks for the review, keep em coming!! Cardel- I'm keeping it up, so long as you keep up the reviews! Yeah I know I felt bad leaving Sora alone coz I could imagine him just standing there... tears falling down his face... pouty lips trembling... *sniffles* that's just too sad!!! Hugglez to you Chessy Cat- ooh, I'm taking time out of your precious school day (HA!!!) well yeah, review soon Heather Christi- oh don't you worry, Riku won't be impossible for long... not if I can help it!! And, since I'm the author, I can!!! Review paleeeeease!!!!!  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
"Riku?"  
  
I could hear a voice calling me from my sleep, but it wasn't the voice I had wanted to hear. It was my mum.  
  
"Mmmfff," I answered, rolling over and trying to drift back to sleep, covering my head with my pillow so she would get the message.  
  
"Riku, what are you doing here?"  
  
I sighed and pushed the pillow away, sitting up drowsily.  
  
"Do I have to justify why I'm at my own home?" I was getting a little irritated. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? She had all the rest of my life.  
  
"Honey, you know what I mean. Shouldn't you be at school? It's only eleven AM..."  
  
"Oh... what are you doing home?" I asked guiltily.  
  
"Riku, you should be at school! Have you been doing this often? Tell me if you have, I promise I won't be angry love..."  
  
"Mum, I just don't feel well ok?" I answered, flopping back on to my pillow and waving my hand at her to ward her off.  
  
I could hear her sigh as she lifted herself off my bed and walked out of my room, closing the door gently behind her. What had she been doing in my room anyway?  
  
I inwardly glared at my mother as I watched her rush outside through my window, swiftly leaping into her Mercedes and driving out of our driveway. 'Wish I could talk to Sora' I thought, wishing I had acted a little less dramatically before. What would he think I had thought? Well, I just needed to apologise to him and forget about it and it would all be the same as before. In fact, the more I thought about it, the smaller this whole dilemma seemed to be. Great!  
  
I decided I couldn't get back to sleep- my mind was way too busy- so I dragged myself out of bed and down the stairs as I tried to smooth my hair out. The hair elastic had fallen out of my hair as I had slept, I noticed. My hair was everywhere too! I trailed over to the sink and twisted the tap, releasing a small stream of water. I ran my fingers underneath it, twisting the tap further as I drenched my whole head in water to disguise my bed hair.  
  
The cool sensation was calming and I ran my hands across my face as the droplets trickled down and onto my neck, drying as it ran down my top. I brushed through my hair to straighten it out and shook my head like a wet dog.  
  
My eyes almost popped out of my head as I looked at the clock, realising that I had been thinking in my bed for hours, and school ended in five minutes!  
  
My disbelieving look soon transformed into a smile as I realised that this meant I could talk to Sora as soon as he got home, which I knew wouldn't be long- Sora never took long to get away from school!  
  
I almost bounced across the kitchen from the happiness of finally being able to end this. I halted suddenly and even my happiness couldn't hide the embarrassment. There in the open doorway stood Sora, blushing yet grinning at the sight of bouncing Riku.  
  
"H-Hey..."  
  
"Hi Sora. Um, wanna go for a walk?"  
  
"Yeah! That would be great."  
  
I walked over lazily to him, relieved that I didn't have to abandon my dignity by going to see him before he came to me. I smiled effortlessly, naturally, glad to see him at my doorstep. It was now or never...  
  
"Hey Sor?" I asked as I brushed over to him after closing the door. I felt myself shudder at the touch, and pulled away.  
  
"I'm really... sorry..."  
  
His face lit up and he almost leaned in to hug me. He got a sudden hold of his senses and blushed furiously.  
  
"No sweat! We're best friends, right?"  
  
He reached his hand out and I took it gladly.  
  
"Right."  
  
We started to laugh and began to run with each other, in sync with each other's steps and movements.  
  
After a few minutes we had slowed down to a casual walk and our grasp on each other's hands had slowly slipped away. I looked at Sora and grinned as I watched him scuff his shoes along the ground as he walked and smiled dreamily up at the beautiful blue sky.  
  
My gaze shifted as I noticed slight movement out of the corner of my eyes and I almost groaned out loud at the thought of someone interrupting our peace.  
  
"Hello boys, what's up?"  
  
"Oh... um, hi Kairi. Just walkin."  
  
Sora nodded shyly at her, smiling back at me.  
  
"Well you two sure do look happy," she smiled, dropping into our pace and scuffing her shoes just like Sora had been.  
  
We had all slowed so much that we were just standing there. I stopped daydreaming and looked over at Kairi who was twisting her finger in her hair mindlessly, her big eyes blinking dreamily. My gaze shifted to the boy swinging on his legs next to me, my Sora. He was flexing his fingers and tracing over the fingerless gloves in a smooth pattern.  
  
Suddenly I remembered what Sora had mentioned before- the double date! Perfect!  
  
"So Sora, how about Selphie's party, hmm?"  
  
"Yeah, what about it?" he blinked. I smacked my forehead dramatically.  
  
"You gonna bring Kairi?" I said loudly, nudging him in the ribs. Kairi snapped out of her dreamy state and smiled warmly at him.  
  
"Oh right... sure, wanna go Kai?"  
  
Kairi huffed a little, disappointed at how unenthusiastic he seemed about it.  
  
"Yeah I'd love to... what about Riku?"  
  
Sora looked at her with shock in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, how does us going to the party together affect Riku?" he blurted out with a slight bit of panic in his voice.  
  
"Well who are we gonna fix him up with silly? I mean, couldn't ya have like anyone Ri?"  
  
Sora pouted at her, but she hadn't noticed. She was too busy looking expectantly at Riku.  
  
"Ha, yeah sure! Well I dunno..." I trailed off, not wanting to really go with anyone.  
  
"Ohhh, Riku sounds like he's hiding something," she cackled evilly, "Riku likes someone, hehe!!"  
  
"No, Riku likes nobody!" I snapped back at her, rolling my eyes at the glares I received from both of them.  
  
"Ok ok, you can do your fixing up... but I want a good date, ya hear?!"  
  
"Yes master Riku, Kairi will get you the hottest girl on the island!" she screamed, beaming.  
  
"It'll take you forever Kai, you'll have to go through the line-ups of girls from all over wanting to go on a date with him! You know what they're like!" Sora piped up, pouting as Kairi took no notice of him at all.  
  
"I'm going to leave you boys now, 'cause the wonderful Kairi is going to find a hottie for Riku, and I promise she will be deserving of you!"  
  
At that she bowed and ran away, squealing with excitement. I rolled my eyes once again and flopped down on to the sand, gripping Sora's wrist as I dragged him down with me.  
  
"OOF!!!"  
  
Sora landed on top of me unexpectedly and I blinked at him as he jumped up a metre away from me.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing? Come back here you strange strange little boy," I chuckled, patting the sand next to me.  
  
Sora scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly at me, slipping down on to the ground next to me, brushing against my arm. This time I didn't shudder... it felt too natural...  
  
"Hey Ri..."  
  
I leaned up on my arms and nodded at him.  
  
"Why did you run away from me today?"  
  
I shot upright and flung my arms beside me. I sighed heavily and steadily.  
  
"I dunno Sora... I guess you just scared me..."  
  
"I'm sorry for scaring you Riku, I didn't mean to... I was scared too you know."  
  
I looked at him, this beautiful little boy. His hair was blowing softly in the breezes that were starting to come in at the shore and his eyes were clearer and bluer than ever, more determined and mature than I'd ever seen them. His skin was tanned but rosy, so perfect and clear that I could hardly believe it.  
  
"But I'm here Sora, I'm not going to leave you, never. You know that."  
  
I smiled at him, reaching out my hand to brush his messy tresses away from his face and behind his ears before leaning back on my arms again to look at the pretty sunset. Sora reached up to let his fingers play on the spot where I had brushed away his hair. He slipped down on the sand and lay there, no moving or talking, just smiling.  
  
I didn't know it then, but what I had just said, and the gesture I had made, had caused Sora's feelings to stir. The spot I had touched left an emotional mark, and the words I had whispered to him in a simple reassuring gesture played over and over in his head. It's funny how you notice the little things so much more when you're in love...  
  
***  
  
Sorry bout it being a little short there (I'm sure you don't mind anywho) but that's just where I thought was best to leave it, and that's always where I leave it. So far it seems to have worked all right so yeah... hope you liked it, review quickly or I'll cry... I need 5 reviews or I won't continue ^_^ Sorry, hope you don't mind... bubyes!! 


	6. CHAPTER 5: The Party

Hey all, I'm back again!! Well now all the soapiness is back after the boys made up, though it did end up a little less boring than I might have made it... so I'm happy!!! Well I've got a particular idea for this chappy and I'm not sure if Riku's gonna realise that HE'S GAY!! Well he will, but I'm not sure if it'll be this chapter or the next one or something... meh, we'll soon see ^_~  
  
Wowee, I got more reviews than ever before this time, thank you guys!! WOOT, 11 REVIEWS!!! ^_^ I won't let you down *salutes* Ok hugglez to you, you make me feel fluffy inside! I only really put those people who wrote long-ish reviews or had questions for me in my thanks, so don't get me wrong, I really am thankful to anyone who reviews! Thanks to- Uzumaki-sama- I really appreciate you saying that! And I'll check out your work as soon as I can. Sorry that I haven't yet but I'm SOOOO busy and all I've been able to do is write a little... I promise I'll have a look! baka coconut- YAAAAY, amber!! ^_^ *claps* well thanks for being there from the start, I'll keep on keeping on! camigirl4k3- yeah that was Riku saying it, coz even though he didn't know it then, Sora was in love with him and he knows that now. Thanks, I really appreciate the support and I don't think I've ever been on anyone's favourites list before- SQUEEEEE!!! ^_^ TRT14- teehee, yeah I'll read and review your story as soon as I have time, I promise!! I'm really sorry if that's not all that soon, but I'll try... but please keep reading and reviewing coz I love it, thank you Anna Chibi- sure, I'll read your fics as soon as I can and thanks, good to know I'm effecting people! I can relate to this too... I have a sad love life! CursedAngelofSephiroth- I know, I love the party thing, glad I thought of that!! Yaaaay, I sooooo love that I've inspired you!!! You're great, keep reviewing! Heather Christi- Thank you so much, it's always been a little bit of a dream to capture someone in my writing... it's very sweet of you!!! You deserve many hugglez and I hope you keep reading and reviewing!!!  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
I was smiling contentedly, leaning back as I looked out at the darkening sky. Suddenly I let out a sigh and I could see Sora jump out of the corner of my eye at the sudden sound. I chuckled inwardly.  
  
"Sor, you wanna go home now?"  
  
The brunet tilted his head to face me and smiled at me gently.  
  
"Ok... sure."  
  
I planted my feet on the ground and stood up steadily. I almost stretched out my hand for Sora to get up when I reminded myself that that was exactly what had made Sora cry.  
  
I suddenly remembered Kairi and wondered if we needed to wait for her.  
  
"Oh, shouldn't we..."  
  
But then I realised I wanted it to be just Sora and I, the way it had always been. So I just laughed and shook my head, grasping Sora's slender hands and heaving him up next to me.  
  
"Hey Sora, when's Selphie's party anyway?" I asked as we fell into a slow walk heading to my house.  
  
Sora looked at me wide-eyed.  
  
"Riku... didn't you know?! It's tomorrow!!"  
  
I looked up at him and laughed.  
  
"Woops... well at least I know Kairi's not going to set me up with some scary single chick!"  
  
"Heh, I wouldn't underestimate her setting up skills Ri, you know how it was with..."  
  
"Yeah yeah, don't remind me!" I butt in, shuddering at the thought of my last date, the movies with the bitchiest girl I think I've ever met. Kairi found her for me in an hour after she learnt that I didn't have a date for the movies with her and Sora.  
  
"Well damn Sor, it's no big deal!" I said after a while of thinking, "We're not girly girls, looking for our a hot guy and the right dress!"  
  
I started fanning myself with my hand, batting my eyelashes at Sora in a girlish motion. I put on a high-pitched voice and started giggling.  
  
"Hey... um... I like you! You're hot!" I giggled into my hand in feign embarrassment.  
  
Sora blushed furiously and laughed giving me a strange look.  
  
"You'd make a great girl Riku."  
  
I ruffled Sora's hair before springing off to sprint the few metres back to my door, Sora trailing behind me.  
  
I stopped, panting and laughing, at my doorstep. Sora shook his head and pushed my door open, chuckling. I followed him inside and we ran up to my room, slamming the door behind us as we both collapsed on my bed.  
  
It seemed as though we had been lying there for hours when Sora shot up.  
  
"Riku, what time is it?!" he said panicking, "My mum is going to KILL me!!!"  
  
I smiled at him, nodding at him as he slowly sat back down on the bed.  
  
"Just give her a call Sora, she'll be cool."  
  
Sora gave me a sheepish smile and walked awkwardly out of my room to get the phone. I got up and walked over to where Sora had kicked his shoes off and placed them neatly in the corner. 'He's such a messy pig, thank god my room's not like his' I thought, remembering how each time I went there I was amazed that we came out alive! All of his possessions were stacked messily, one on top of the other, and the food that he left around the place made me really uneasy... I preferred coming to my house, that's for sure!  
  
"Sora, I'm having a shower!" I yelled through the doorway as I began to undress. I slipped my shoes off next to his and pulled my top over my head, folding it over my desk chair. I slipped my pants down and slung them over the chair as well. I ventured into the big bathroom and put my socks in the washing basket, followed by my boxers.  
  
I swung the tap until it spurted the water out and washed away the sweat and sand I was covered in, humming tunelessly as I scrubbed myself with soap. 'Ah, the shower, my little place to think,' I thought, smiling as I realised that it was true that I seemed to always be in the shower when I was thinking a lot.  
  
Though right now it seemed that all I could think about was my relief that everything was the same as always, Sora and Kairi were going to Selphie's party together, I was going with someone and Sora was over at my place, my best friend. I rested assured that everything was completely wonderful and normal.  
  
I heard a knock on the door. No doubt it was Sora.  
  
"What? I'll be out in a sec Sor..."  
  
"Um Ri, we've got a visitor," he said uneasily, "Kairi's skills may be better than we thought... she's already found one..."  
  
I rolled my eyes as I turned off the taps slowly, yelling for Sora to run while he still could and hearing him laugh awkwardly.  
  
I wrapped a towel around my waist, not caring if Sora and Kairi saw me half naked- it wasn't like they'd never seen it before!  
  
I shook my head like a wet dog before pulling the door open with my hand on my hip.  
  
"So what creature have you found this time Kai?" I murmured as I turned to my cupboard, not even bothering to look at her.  
  
"Well," she started impatiently, "If you would just turn around and be a polite little boy, I could show her to you!"  
  
I blinked suddenly, hearing a giggle from behind me and I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'Great, a bimbo,' I thought with distaste.  
  
"Er... sorry..." I mumbled, grabbing a top and slipping it on before pivoting around to face the three people sitting on my bed. Sora was sitting there looking at his feet, and Kairi was next to him with her arm linked through his. Next to her was a blonde girl with short wispy hair and giant brown eyes. She was smiling with her hand up to her mouth, stifling more annoying giggles.  
  
"I like him, he's got THE hottest body!" she squealed turning to Kairi, "And he's really... gorgeous!!" she finished, clapping her hands and hugging Kairi.  
  
"Isn't she great Ri? You two haven't even been introduced yet!"  
  
Kairi pushed the girl off and stood up with the girl following.  
  
"Hi Rika!"  
  
"It's Riku..." I mumbled, sticking out my hand formally. The girl squealed and blushed, forcing out her hand towards mine, grasping it painfully. I winced and pulled it back.  
  
"And you are...?" I asked, after waiting for her to introduce herself.  
  
"AAAWWW!! Kairi Kairi Kairi, he wants to know MY NAME!"  
  
The girl hugged Kairi again quickly, then turning back to me, nodding and taking a deep breath.  
  
"My name's Katarina, but you can call me Kat baby!"  
  
I almost laughed. Was this girl for real? How was I going to stand a whole night with her?! Well... as long as I had Sora with me...  
  
"Kai, I think you'd better take your friend and go home, Riku needs his rest... he's playing blitz tomorrow."  
  
I smiled at the lie Sora had just come up with. Guess he was just as annoyed by this Katarina.  
  
"That's right girls, seeya tomorrow!"  
  
I almost pushed them out of my room and shut the door behind me, already hearing Kairi try to let them stay. I held my breath as I listened to squeals cease and the door finally slam shut.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled as I flung myself on to my bed, rubbing my head continuously as I reminded myself out loud never to let Kairi do this again.  
  
"Yeah, didn't think she was your type," Sora said bitterly as he flopped himself beside me.  
  
"Hey, I don't have a type, I'm open about relationships! But that... that... thing! I don't think anyone would want a date with her! I mean, a blonde squealy bimbo is quite possibly the worst date I can imagine!"  
  
"Oh don't worry, we can leave early and go back to my place, just say you've got more blitzball," he giggled as we shared a smile.  
  
"Yeah ok then... I guess I'll manage."  
  
"Oh Riku, by the way, it is cool that I stay tonight right?"  
  
"Yeah, when has it ever not been cool?"  
  
I turned around and slipped on some pants before smiling at Sora.  
  
"Alright," he finished as he got up to go to the kitchen. I got up, stretching, and followed his lead to raid my fridge. He pulled the door open and brought out a piece of cold pizza, munching on it thoughtfully. I laughed inwardly, watching his brows furrow in frustration.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked amusedly.  
  
"Hmph... nothing..."  
  
Shrugging, I sat at the table and gave Sora a look as he chucked the now empty box in the bin. Getting the hint, he closed the fridge and pulled me up.  
  
"Let's get some sleep now, we don't want to be tired for the big blitz tournament!" I joked, laughing with Sora until we got upstairs. He took a pair of pyjamas from my drawer and skidded into the bathroom to change into them.  
  
I rolled my carefully made bedspread back so that I could slip inside, chuckling to myself as Sora skidded back in, roughly pulling the bedspread of my spare bed back.  
  
I sighed contentedly as I began to drift to sleep.  
  
"Ri?" said a muffled Sora.  
  
"Mmmhmm?"  
  
I opened one of my eyes to look at the shadowed figure with his head in his hand. He sighed.  
  
"Don't worry. Seeya tomorrow," he murmured shakily as he flopped face first into his pillow. I shook my head briefly and shut my eyes firmly, falling asleep.  
  
***  
  
BEEP BEEP BEEP  
  
I awoke panting at the sound of my alarm, whacking it hard as I sat up, looking across at the cocoon of sheets in my spare bed- unmistakably, Sora was still sleeping.  
  
I got up from the bed and swiftly pulled the blankets off the spare bed, tumbling Sora to the ground.  
  
"HEY! Ow... that hurt you know," he said irritably, rubbing his head and standing up slowly.  
  
"Good!"  
  
I stripped off my pyjama top and slung it over my shoulder, grabbing a towel from my cupboard.  
  
"I'm going to have a bath, just yell if you need me!" I said, as I approached the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I chucked my clothes in the dirty washing basket and started running a bath. Once it was full I lowered myself in and began to wash myself quickly. Soon I was done and let out the plug, knowing Sora would want a shower soon. I jumped out and dried myself quickly, wrapping the towel around myself.  
  
"Ok Sora, it's your turn," I announced as I came back into my room.  
  
Sora turned towards me and nodded sweetly before grabbing a towel and his clothes and heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind softly. I shuffled through my clothes, picking up a pair of boxers and putting them on. I threw my towel at my chair and made sure it hung there. Satisfied, I turned back to my cupboard to find something to wear. Today I seemed to be especially distracted with something, so I found it pretty hard to find what I should wear.  
  
Frustrated, I sat down and flung my body back, slamming my back into the door of my cupboard in annoyance. Why was I so distracted? I could feel the unsteady beat of my heart and I closed my eyes to block out everything else and calm my self down.  
  
"Ahem..."  
  
I snapped my eyes open and fixed them on Sora standing in front of me, reddening cheeks brought up into an awkward smile.  
  
I returned the awkward smile as I realised how weird I must have looked, in my underwear, sitting with my back arched and breathing ragged, gasping breaths... like some kind of porn movie!  
  
"Gee Sora, you sure are quiet..." I mumbled, raising to my feet and grasping at one of my tops, fumbling to slip it on. I then clumsily took a pair of jeans and pulled them on.  
  
"Yeah..." he mumbled back to me.  
  
"Hey, let's go eat, k?"  
  
At that suggestion, Sora's eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly... cutely...  
  
"Alright, let's go make ourselves something then."  
  
We trekked down the stairs and into the kitchen and Sora began to take out a pan, fetching the ingredients for pancakes. I went to help him with the stove- no doubt he would burn himself out of his eagerness to eat.  
  
My hands spun the knob swiftly and I took the pan to butter it as Sora stirred furiously at a gluggy mixture, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. He soon came rushing over, little bits of pancake mixture splashing out of the side of the bowl. He put in the spoon and slopped a big pile of mixture into the middle of the pan. After it cooked, we piled in one after the other and put them in a stack on a plate.  
  
"Yummy!" Sora squealed, sounding scarily like Kat, making me wince at the sound.  
  
Sora ate eight pancakes while I ate one, still distracted...  
  
"C'mon Ri, we'll be late for school if you keep going at this rate! Let's get going slowpoke!" he said cheerily as he dumped his empty plate on the sink.  
  
I nodded groggily and smiled up at him, standing up and strolling to the door after Sora.  
  
School that day was too short for my liking- I sure wasn't looking forward to the party with Kat! What a date that would be.  
  
History was first, followed by French, English literature, 3D art and lastly PE. I hoped it would last me forever and I found myself enjoying myself more than ever before, just happy to be anywhere but with Kat at that party!  
  
Once we were dismissed I found myself walking to the showers reluctantly with Tidus who was bouncing around excitedly at the thought of Selphie's party. 'Is it all anyone can talk about?' I thought irritably. I entered the shower block and washed myself, drying and dressing myself before heading up to my locker. Sora was there fiddling with his lock.  
  
"Hey Sora, how was chemistry?"  
  
"Oh hiya Riku! Yeah, it was a bit of a drag. I've got a stupid test next Monday and the words are just flying out of my head."  
  
I opened my locker and packed my bag with my homework, pulling it out and slamming the door shut.  
  
"Guess I'd better head off and get ready for the party will the cheerleading devil," I moaned dramatically.  
  
"It won't be so bad Riku, you'll have Kairi and I there! Well anyway... I'll come round and get you in an hour and we can go and get the girls from then, alright?"  
  
I rolled my eyes in response and nodded, waving as I walked off.  
  
"Riku?"  
  
I turned around to see a little brunette girl fumbling with her thumbs.  
  
"Um, I know it's late notice and all but well... would you wanna go to tonight's party with me?"  
  
I smiled at the girl, about two grades below me. I didn't know her name, but she seemed like a sweet girl.  
  
"I'm really sorry, but I've already got a date... hey, I'm sure you'll find someone better than me to go out with!" I laughed, receiving only red cheeks and a sad smile from the girl.  
  
"Of course you've already got a date... sorry, seeya round," she finished, trembling and speeding away towards her eagerly waiting friends.  
  
I watched sadly as her friends crowded around her, arms around her as she stared at the ground. 'Why me?' I thought, wondering why so many girls giggled whenever I looked at them or trembled when I spoke to them. 'Must be something about a guy with confidence,' I thought sourly as I walked off towards home.  
  
I approached my door and willingly thrust the door open, slipping inside and shutting it carefully as I stepped inside. I trudged up to my room and dumped my bag in the corner as I approached my cupboard to find something to wear. I was pretty bad when it came to choosing which clothes suited what, but at least now I knew my options were open, that I could choose pretty much anything in my cupboard that would suit the party.  
  
I scratched my head as I flipped through the contents of my wardrobe, pulling out a couple of pairs of casual pants. I chose one of the two possibilities and hung the other ones back in their place. Stripping off the sweaty top I had worn in PE, I pulled out a shirt and a jacket, because I knew it was going to be a really cold night tonight.  
  
'Perfect,' I thought, inwardly patting myself on the back, 'That's all I need!'  
  
I briefly considered going to get some flowers for Kat to pass some time, but when I realised how stupid it would be to make her think I liked her I immediately dismissed the idea. I looked at my watch eagerly and my face lit up as I realised Sora was coming in only 5 minutes!  
  
I bounced off of my bed and down the stairs, studying myself in the lounge room mirror before sitting down, satisfied enough with my appearance. Suddenly I heard the unmistakeable knock of Sora and sprung off of the couch and to the door, pulling it open and walking coolly outside.  
  
"Alrightey then, off to Kairi's!" I said, raising my eyebrows at Sora.  
  
"Yep, off to Kairi's. with Kat," he replied, nudging me mockingly.  
  
We decided not to run this time, since we actually wanted to look approachable. It seemed like forever compared to how we usually got around, racing each other and sprinting casually.  
  
When we finally got to Kairi's door I considered running all the way home when I became suddenly aware of Sora's smile on me, and I didn't doubt that this night might not be so bad... not with Sora here.  
  
We knocked on the door in unison, three even knocks. We could hear the girls both squealing inside, Sora and I shared a weird look as we heard their scrambling footsteps towards the door, and they pulled it open.  
  
Kairi looked very nice, her hair blow-dried in flicking wisps and beautiful pink colours for her make-up, a glossy lip colour and sparkling colour swept over her eyelids. Her cheeks had been blushed a rosy pink and the pink makeup suited her knee-length dress nicely, a strapless dress in a shade of pretty coral.  
  
But... Kairi was nothing compared to how amazing Kat looked, and we both looked at her in amazement, wondering if she was really the same girl that we had seen the night before. Her hair was swept up in an elegant chignon with loose wavy tresses hanging around her face, which was decorated with glittery purple eyeshadow, sweeping over and just around her eyelids. Her lips had a red stain applied to them, which made them look soft and full, and the stain had also been applied to her strong cheekbones, which were rosy and healthy looking. The dress she was wearing was a colour of powder blue with thin spaghetti straps that came half way down her back and over her shoulders. It was slightly low-cut and had a sort of corset style to it that did wonders for her slender figure. Where the top ended, a soft flowing skirt protruded to the floor and she lifter her skirts with white gloved hands as she stepped outside next to me, giggling as she snaked her arm through mine. Kairi did the same to Sora and we began to walk.  
  
I looked at Sora who was thinking the same thing as me- we were way too dressed down for these two!  
  
For some reason, however, Kat's beauty tonight didn't seem to matter to me. It didn't change the fact that I wanted to be out of this party and back at Sora's place as soon as possible. Somehow, I doubted that Sora thought I felt that way, and was looking rather taken aback by how stunning my date looked.  
  
We soon arrived at Selphie's house and when we entered, there seemed to be an endless sea of faces gawking at us. Well... at the girls anyway.  
  
I spotted the girl who had asked me to go to the party with her and her face showed utter devastation. I felt awful for her, and I gave her a warm smile, which she returned with blushing cheeks.  
  
"Let's dance Riku!" squealed Kat, and I was reminded that I was dating a bimbo.  
  
"I'm not in the mood for dancing tonight," I said bluntly, pulling my arm away from hers, "I'm going to see how Selphie's doing."  
  
Kat snaked her arm around my waste and followed me across the room, followed by Kairi and Sora.  
  
"Hey Selph."  
  
Selphie looked up at me and smiled excitedly, pulling out of her embrace with Tidus.  
  
"Oh Riku, you made it!" she screamed, hugging me tightly to the extreme frustration of Kat, who stamped her foot while Selphie held on to me tightly.  
  
"Sora, Kairi, you too? Well... of course, I mean, where there's Riku, there's Sora!" she giggled, winking at us.  
  
I looked at my watch and moaned as I realised we'd only been here for fifteen minutes. I listened to the music, hoping that it would help pass the time while the girls gossiped amongst themselves and Sora stood there looking at his feet. (A/N: I fought a battle with my mind whether I should put Simple And Clean in, but then I decided it would probably seem that it's exactly the same as every other fic, not that I have anything against it)  
  
After another twenty minutes of listening to the music and watching happy couples dance, I realised Kat had turned her attention back towards me and was pulling on my arm so that I would dance with her.  
  
"No," I said, just shaking my head determinedly as she whined and hugged me, pleading and begging. Sora seemed to be staring at her icily...  
  
"Riku, we have to go. You've got more blitzball tomorrow" he said bluntly, pulling at my arm as we headed for the door.  
  
"You're leaving?" said Kat sadly, "Ow... well... call me?" she pleaded, and after I didn't answer, she smiled, approaching me as she kissed me slowly on the lips. When I didn't respond, she pulled away and looked at Sora who was giving her an evil look... if looks could kill...  
  
"Sora, what's your problem?" she yelled as he pulled me away and we took off out the door, not bothering to look back or answer her.  
  
"You used the same excuse?" I laughed, stopping at Sora's pouting face, "Woah, what's up Sora?!"  
  
I grabbed Sora's shoulders and turned him around to face me. His look softened as his gaze fell into mine.  
  
"Yeah... I'm just really tired," he replied, smiling as if nothing had happened.  
  
I nodded at him, and ruffled his hair as I so often had done before. This time, we sprinted, and didn't stop until we reached his house, pulling the door open. I screeched to a halt as Sora's mum stood in front of the stairs.  
  
"Hello boys," she said sweetly, with that Sora smile, "Riku, I've made you up a mattress next to Sora's bed, you boys can go up and get changed."  
  
I smiled at her and thanked her, starting my way up the stairs next to Sora.  
  
"Oh! Sora honey, your pjs are down in the lounge drying, come with me and I'll grab you something else ok?"  
  
"Mum!" Sora whined, descending the stairs back down, "Ri, just wait up in my room, I think mum cleaned it a bit."  
  
I sighed in relief as I neared his room and saw that everything was perfectly clean and a neat little mattress was made up next to Sora's bed. I began to take out some old clothes of Sora's to wear for the night, but before I could find them something caught my eye... on Sora's desk there was something I didn't recognise about Sora's room, a small red book, with a bookmark in the middle.  
  
I slowly walked towards it and picked it up. The book wasn't labelled, so I guessed it wasn't a schoolbook and I curiously opened it to the bookmark.  
  
What I found inside changed my view altogether... from then on, I couldn't doubt the possibilities, because nothing I could ever try to tell myself would be able to persuade me that it was true. Although I didn't know it at the time, that book was the key to everything, to unlocking my happiness... though I was too ignorant to realise...  
  
~*~*Sora's Diary*~*~  
  
Dear diary,  
  
I have some bad news... I didn't go through with it. I tried to tell him, I really did, but I just knew that he wouldn't want to hear it. If it ruined my relationship with him, I don't think I would ever be able to forgive myself. Losing Riku would be the most unbearable thing that could ever happen.  
  
I almost lost him yesterday... we were standing on the shore, and it was just like my dream. You know, that recurring dream I always have, the one where he disappears after we embrace... and he held out his hand to me, with that same seductive, welcoming smile. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced, I thought he was going to vanish! So, I panicked... I held him tightly and I cried... I cried into the embrace of my love. Though somehow I think he knew, knew how scared I was, and he ran as far away as he could and left me standing there crying. How could I have let myself do that?  
  
I went to see him later on in the day, right after school. I didn't go to school of course- how could I? I looked sick enough when I came home, so that's what I told mum. I told her I had a headache and I went to bed and wept. I exhausted myself from crying, and I slept for hours until suddenly... I had the dream again. Except this time, Riku stayed with me, and he kissed me again, just like I've always hoped... and then I knew I hadn't lost him.  
  
So I went to see him, and everything is exactly the same as before. Only I wish it wasn't... I wish it were so much more. Now I have to act like I'm straight, like I love Kairi... and I have to watch as Riku dates that girl. That girl who he doesn't even like gets to hang off of him like I wish I could! Why can't I be the one? Is being gay really that shameful? If the world is so against my beliefs, how am I expected to tell him how I feel about him? I can't do it... you have no idea how much I want to, but no matter how many times I try, the words just won't come out.  
  
Nothing anyone says can make me ashamed for being gay, not even Riku. Not even the love of my life can change what I think, and how I feel, even if it kills me to say so. As much as I lie about it, nothing can change the person I am. I'm gay, and always will be, and if Riku can't accept it, then there's nothing I can do to change that. It's who I am, what I feel, and what I always will be.  
  
***  
  
@____@ Wow... that was pretty long! I'm proud of myself!!! So that was the little diary part, it was an idea I wanted to experiment with so tell me if you think it's alright, coz I thought it was the best way for Riku to confirm that Sora was in love with him. I love feedback, so keep reviewing like you do, you good little peoples!!!!  
  
Well until next time, I love you all and I can't wait to hear from you!  
  
xoxo Eva McBeava 


	7. CHAPTER 6: the places you go for comfort

Hey all again, hope everyone's all happy and well!! You know what? I realised just how sad I am, I need to create a written love life for fictional characters so that I can take the focus off of my own!!! e___e ... Sorry, I just thought I'd mention that since I only just realised it... oh well, I'll never get the guy I want, the least I can do is let Sora and Riku have each other, and let you guys experience it ~_^  
  
Well as I say every time, I love you guys all so much for supporting me and reviewing, because I love writing and you guys are giving me a little bit of that dream- to have someone actually thinking it's good! Geez... I rant a lot eh? Ah well, you don't have to read this; I just like sharing my sad life with my faithful readers- THAT'S YOU!  
  
Well now to the point... here are my thanks!!! Again, you guys have made me feel fluffy inside with your comments, and you know, the usual stuff... Thanks to- CursedAngelofSephiroth- yeah I thought a diary would suit Sora and that idea was stuck in my mind practically since I wrote this story! Thanks ^_^ Sora Lover: Angel of Darkness- Good good Sora Lover!! Reviews make Eva happyyyy!!! Yeah Riku will love him soon enough... Heather Christi- You'll just have to wait and see *cackles evilly* yes but anywho... as usual, your review was really great and personal to me so thanks, and I'm glad you've been with me from the start!! Yeah I hoped you'd like the longness of the chappie... well keep on at it with the reviews! TRT14- Awww, bad Riku for stealing T's plushie!! Yes I know, I thought it was actually quite cute how Sora was all possessive... *shrugs* thanks for the long review, can't wait to hear from you next!!! Anna Chibi- yeah I know I'm trying to drag out the angst and add more angsty things (hey, don't blame me for being evil!) so don't you worry!! Actually, same as the object of my affection, I can't have him for so many reasons... *groan* but as I said before, I'll eventually let them be together *smirk* eventually... Also thanks to: Sora otaku, Kairi099, RiKKu, Thalyssa (I didn't have too much to reply to with you guys, so I'll just thank you!)  
  
Anyway, I'll remind you guys where we're up to (in case you forgot and nothing I say makes sense). Ok, well Riku just read Sora's diary, the naughty boy, and it pretty much served as a love confession for our poor little Ri who's now extremely confuzled about all this coz he just doesn't realise that he's damn well gay. I'll fix that I will!!! MuAhAhAhAhA!!! Alrightey I'm a little ce-razy now... O___O Er... enjoy  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
I lost all feeling in my body, falling on to the chair and dropping the book into my lap as I stared at the wall.  
  
'Gay... he said he was gay... he said he loved me...' I thought, as the realisation that the dream I had interrupted had been exactly what I had assumed... I hadn't overreacted after all...  
  
No, it couldn't be! What about Kairi?  
  
'...Now I have to act like I'm straight, like I love Kairi...'  
  
I couldn't believe it... I knew everything about Sora... he's never let on that he was gay before...  
  
"No..." I muttered, as I felt hot tears sting the corners of my eyes.  
  
"No?" Sora chuckled as he bounced into the room.  
  
I gasped and jumped up, backed completely against the wall. My rasping breath was coming out in cracked sobs and even though I fought with all my might against the tears that longed to stream down my face, I could feel a wet trail trickling down my white cheeks.  
  
Sora looked at me worriedly and took a stride towards me. I whimpered and looked away from him, not wanting him to see me so troubled... then I realised he wasn't walking towards me. He was crouching at the place where the red book had clattered off of my lap, lying sprawled on the ground. He ran his bare, trembling fingers over it's rough exterior and softly pulled it shut.  
  
Hot tears blurred my vision, but even through them I could see that Sora's face showed a look of hurt.  
  
That face was the most excruciating thing I had ever seen. It made me feel so selfish... I knew that breaking down and crying wasn't exactly the reaction he had wanted. He looked confused and devastated... but so was I! He wasn't the only one hurting here, he had to understand that... he had to...  
  
I reluctantly lifted my swollen eyes to look at his face, and when I did so, I gulped and said in a croaky voice, "I think I'd better go."  
  
Sora didn't do anything to stop me, nor did he do anything to agree with me. He just kept looking at me with that face...  
  
I stood up shakily and kept close to the wall, careful not to come too close to Sora lest I break down once more and hurt him further.  
  
I slipped out of his room and ran out of the house before his mum had the chance to even see my face let alone question me. I began to run home... faster than I'd ever ran before... until suddenly my feet slipped from under me and I fell forward on to the sand, wet from rain, and I wailed in loud rough sobs. Nobody else was on the beach... nobody else could hear me, and for that I was glad. Nobody could see me at the weakest I had ever been, the first time I had cried since I was a child with a broken arm.  
  
I could hear a muffled yelling coming from behind me, far away enough to run from... so I sprung up to my feet and ran all the way home, hearing yelling coming from behind me once more before I was out of hearing distance.  
  
I almost collapsed on my doorstep, but managed to collect up the strength to pull the door open and swing it shut behind me as I dazedly trailed up the stairs.  
  
"Riku!" came a voice from downstairs. I whirled around to face the speaker, and my mum approached me hurriedly, sweeping my hair away from my face to study my swollen eyes and streaked face. I pushed her hand away from me and turned away, muttering, "I don't need your sympathy."  
  
I trudged into my room and shut the door, locking it so that my mum couldn't bother me any further. 'Why did she have to come early today?' I thought bitterly.  
  
'Shower time...' I smiled wryly, stripping my clothes off and dumping them on the floor... 'Just like Sora does...'  
  
I twisted the knob quickly and almost jumped into the shower. As I said before, it helped me think... and that's what I needed to do right now...  
  
Once again, I couldn't explain why, but with the sweat and dirt, the water washed away, I felt my worries deter slightly. I closed my eyes and let out a slow, long sigh.  
  
What was I going to do about Sora? Things could never be the same now that I knew how he felt about me... Would it really have been such a huge shock that he was gay if he hadn't said that I was the genuine love of his life? For some reason, I doubted it...  
  
Now that I thought about it, I was being more selfish than ever by running away from this. Had I truly been so stupid to leave him alone when he had actually said that he would never forgive himself if this ruined our relationship? Yet I had still been a coward and made him feel like this was his fault!  
  
I growled at the thought of how cruel I was being... yet I knew I couldn't face him, not yet. I hated the feeling that he was looking at me as something else, not just his best friend anymore...  
  
How long had he felt that way? Surely it couldn't have been that long... How could he have hidden it for so long? Or... maybe I was just too ignorant, wanted to believe that he didn't feel that way so much that I blocked the possibility out of my mind. Either way, I knew I had been living a lie for some time... and that scared me. It scared me to think I was lost, that nothing had really been what it seemed, and maybe, had it not been such a secret, I wouldn't have minded so much...  
  
What was I thinking?! Of course I minded, Sora was in love with me! 'Is that really so bad though...?'  
  
Of course it was! I slapped my head and scowled at myself for causing so much confusion... this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, so why did I have some sort of a sense of relief? Was it because there was finally some truth, and I didn't care what that was, as long as it was out?  
  
'That's not it, I know it's not...'  
  
I moaned as I realised I was going to have a heated argument with myself if I didn't stop now, and I turned off the shower slowly and stepped, dripping, out of it.  
  
I dried myself lazily and slipped the clothes I had messily dumped on the ground back on. I fought to stop my lip from trembling and the stinging tears from leaving my eyes, and went back into my room, immediately lying on my bed.  
  
'Who knew crying was so tiring?' I thought as I began to drift off to sleep.  
  
"Riku? You've got a visitor..." came my mum's voice from outside the door.  
  
I immediately sat up, scared that I would begin to cry again, seeing Sora's naïve face and those big sad eyes... no, I couldn't face him.  
  
"I don't want to see him," I spat out bitterly. Yes, it may have been cruel and hurtful for him, but if would have been worse for him to see me cry again, which I was sure I would if I was faced with him.  
  
"Er... darling, I think you've got the wrong person... Kairi's a girl," said my mum uneasily.  
  
My head shot up and I slowly stepped over to the door, inwardly kicking myself, and opened it to my mum with her phone in one hand, an awkward looking Kairi standing behind her.  
  
"Come in," I mumbled, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. Kairi fumbled past my mum and into my room. I slammed the door in my mum's face and locked it again, turning around to Kairi and forcing a smile.  
  
"What's up?" I asked casually, sitting down on my bed.  
  
"Riku, is something wrong? I saw you on the beach before and you looked like you were..." she trailed off, looking more awkward still.  
  
I started to laugh mockingly and she looked at me startled, as I laughed louder.  
  
"Is it to do with Sora?" she blurted out.  
  
My voice cracked as I laughed, and I immediately closed my mouth, sensing that if I didn't I would begin to sob again.  
  
"What? Nothing's wrong," I snapped back at her, flushing in a way that couldn't be determined as anger or embarrassment. Good...  
  
"Sorry... Riku, you don't have to tell me if you don't want, but if you're upset I'm here for y-"  
  
"But I'm not!" I shrieked, with my lips pulled back in a scowl above my teeth, my eyes having an effect as if fire was burning inside them. I never used that look... the last time I used that look was when my father had tried to help me with my problems, and Kairi was really reminding me of how he had tried, and it was opening some old wounds which I didn't need right now.  
  
"Oh... right... well I guess I'd better go see Sora now, I was supposed to be there ten minutes ago..." she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck nervously.  
  
At the mention of Sora again a tear fell swiftly and smoothly down my cheek, my face still in a scowl. I turned away quickly and opened the door for her, wiping it away with my glove furtively, as she scurried quickly out of my room rushing in a small, "Seeya round Ri."  
  
I slammed the door shut and cursed myself for breaking down on the beach and letting Kairi see that one stray tear.  
  
'And now she's going to Sora's place...'  
  
What was she doing going over there? He didn't need her right now- he needed me! I was his best friend, not her, and I had always been there to help! Screw her, why should she get to replace me?!  
  
'Nobody's getting replaced,' I told myself, taking a deep breath, and hoping against hope it was true.  
  
No, of course it wasn't true. If he were going to replace me, it sure as hell wouldn't be with Kairi. If she found out that he was gay and in love with me, I think she'd be the last person to understand! It was pretty obvious how much she loved him, so she'd be genuinely hurt and probably angry with him for not telling her for so long.  
  
I smiled in relief, knowing that I could rest assured that Kairi wasn't replacing me... but then, what did he want to talk to her about? Maybe he just needed company.  
  
I suddenly found myself wishing I was with him, wishing he had called me over for my company, not Kairi's, and I also found myself experiencing an emotion I didn't experience often... jealousy.  
  
How could I feel jealous about that? I had run away from him, had given him the hint that I didn't wan to be in his company! And all of a sudden I craved his company more than I ever had before, simply because I had never been in the situation where I couldn't have it.  
  
I looked out the window and noticed that my mum had left already, was back out doing a late shift. I grunted and fell back on to my bed.  
  
I was startled by the sound of the doorbell breaking the silence and jumped up from bed, wondering who would be coming over now. Maybe Kairi was back with more questions and accusations of being "upset".  
  
I thrust the door open, hoping it was Sora.  
  
Of course, it wasn't.  
  
"Hiya Ri! I thought... well, since our date was cut a little short last time, we could just hang out for a bit! Just us you know? No party, no dancing, what do you say?" said Katarina, flashing me a smile.  
  
"You're not squealing," I noted, more to myself than her as I raised an eyebrow. She pouted, an exact replica of Sora's pout, and I blinked, automatically laughing when I saw it. 'If I can't see Sora, this'll have to do,' I thought as I stepped outside and shut the door behind me.  
  
Kat laughed dreamily and wrapped her arms tightly around my arm, resting her head on my shoulder as we walked towards the beach. The whole time I was thinking about Sora...  
  
We approached the bridge and I automatically crossed it, off to my spot on the paopu tree. As we got there I shook Kat free and swung up on to the slanting trunk. She swung herself up after me, sitting very close beside me. I sighed as she lazily draped her arm over my shoulder and pulled herself closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder again.  
  
"Hey Riku?"  
  
"Mmhmm," I answered, snapping out of my thoughts.  
  
"How many girlfriends have you had?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow at the question, wondering why I hadn't ever had a girlfriend...  
  
"None actually..."  
  
"What about... boyfriends?" she asked uneasily. I laughed sadly at the question, because of course, it reminded me of Sora.  
  
"I'm not gay," I replied firmly.  
  
"Good!" she giggled, snuggling her face in almost to my neck.  
  
What happened next was the biggest regret of my life, and no matter what had happened to me, there was no way I could justify it...  
  
It's strange, the places you go for comfort...  
  
Sorry if that was a little short... well it wasn't really, just compared to the last one, which was double its size! So anyway, you know the deal- REVIEW! Love you all  
  
xoxo Eva McBeava 


	8. CHAPTER 7: reconciliation

Hello again! Guess what? I'm sick V_V My head hurts immensely and I feel like smashing it with a hammer! Sounds fun eh? *grabs hammer and raises above head* what do you think? Should I do it? *You guys nod and grin evilly* Ok, but I won't be able to finish this fic with a smashed head... *you guys take hammer and throw it in the bin* Alrightey... guess I aint gonna be smashing my head with a hammer then!  
  
Sorry about that, I'm afraid I'm beginning to become slightly delirious from this achy head, but have no fear- I'll just write some insane plots!  
  
Nah, I think I'll have to keep going from where I was before... Riku and Katarina... on the paopu tree... -alone- *shudder* sorry, I have to create angst out of something and Kat seemed like the perfect place! Did you know I got the inspiration from the new girl at school? True story, she's blonde too! And rather... um... *coughsluttycough* BUT she's nice, unlike the Kat in this story who's pretty annoying and stupid... well I'll leave you guys to it, but before I do, I'll thank those who reviewed!  
  
Thanks to-  
  
Heather Christi- well I'd love to comfort you but... erm... yes, he did, he kissed her. *dodges shoe thrown by Heather* HEY!! It'll all work out for the best... eventually... anyway, thanks for always reviewing and stuff (I can never say that enough!!!)  
  
Dark Silicon- yeah sorry about the cliffhanger, heh... but I do update quickly enough so it's ok!! ^_^ I'll try not to have too many... and yeah, I was hoping the prologue would have that effect, thank you SO much for saying that!!!  
  
TRT14- I'll try not making it too sad... it hurts me to do so too ya know! But anywho, you're right- Kat will never win Ri's heart!!! I might not want to make this sad after a while lol  
  
Evilmini86- YAY, long review!! ^_^ Yes, well to clear up all that stuff about "realize" and "apologize", that's American spelling and in Australia (yep, I'm an Australian, and no we don't ride kangaroos to school) we use "s" in some words instead of the "z"! Thanks for all those tips- I'm always open to em!! Yeah I know, I might stop making this a sad ending... perhaps... but then I don't know how it would make sense!! Or maybe I'll make a sequel... and then that can end up happy... yeah, maybe that... well I'm rambling now, so cya, and keep reviewing! (By the way, I read your fic and it's absolutely hilarious!!!)  
  
Kyari- Thank you, and you're story was absolutely excellent, please update soon!! Yeah I love angst and romance, they do go well together don't they? Well thanks again  
  
Anna Chibi- Oh yeah... I almost forgot about that nervous brown-haired girl!! Good idea, I'll have to bring her into this, I'm starting to get some ideas now... THANKS!!! ^_^ Anyway, sorry about not updating for ages but I've been... *cough*... busy...  
  
Also thanks to- CursedAngelofSephiroth, Sora otaku, Sora Lover: Angel of Darkness, Dearest, broccoli  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
I was missing Sora immensely, and I never knew how much I truly valued the time I spent with him until I wasn't with him, when I wasn't on speaking terms with him... I still couldn't determine whose fault that was. Maybe a little of us both, it seemed about right.  
  
I sighed and felt a figure jolt beside me. 'That's right, Katarina's here...' I thought as I pulled away from her and positioned myself around. She positioned herself around as well, to face me, and plopped her delicate chin in her hands.  
  
"Riku, what do you think of me?" she asked, looking up at me with those big buggy eyes.  
  
"Sweet as apple pie," I said flatly, sarcastically.  
  
"Hmph!" she sulked, and pouted dramatically... just how Sora would...  
  
I bit my lip for a moment and then swiftly pressed my lips against hers. She deepened the kiss and let out a muffled laugh as I felt tears burning down my cheeks.  
  
'So this is the comfort I've chosen?' I thought as I felt myself choking back sobs, letting the tears fall freely down my face as I inertly kissed her. 'Can I even call this a kiss?' I thought as she sought to deepen the kiss, and I let her... how foolish...  
  
Suddenly I heard laughing from the bridge and my head snapped apart from Kat's at the thought of someone seeing me kiss her, my only form of comfort right now.  
  
There was Kairi, standing on the bridge and giggling with her hand over her mouth... and her other hand entwined with someone else's hand... Sora's hand...  
  
"Hey lovebirds!" Kairi giggled, almost dragging a wide-eyed Sora towards us. I dropped my head to look at my feet and wiped away the wetness of my cheeks. I edged away from Kat uncomfortably, and looked down at Kairi to avoid looking embarrassed by keeping my head low.  
  
"Kairi, I've got to go home, mum wanted me to do some... stuff..." piped up a cracked voiced Sora.  
  
"Aw... well then should I come and help?" said Kairi, turning to him and smiling sweetly. Sora shook his head and pulled his hand free, running swiftly away from us.  
  
"Actually... I've got to... do stuff for mum too," I said unsteadily as I ran off, hearing Kat yell after me, "But your house is THAT way Riku!"  
  
I smiled bitterly and kept at my steady pace towards Sora's house. 'Now or never,' I thought, swallowing my pride and knocking on the door that faced me... but not in our trademark knock... it felt weird...  
  
I heard a sigh as someone opened the door. It was Sora's mum with a sad frown implanted on her face.  
  
"Oh, Riku!" she said delightedly as she pulled me inside and closed the door behind me. 'No running back now,' I thought, gulping as I looked at Sora's mum expectantly.  
  
"He's upstairs, in his room. I just can't figure out why he's so depressed all of a sudden... I won't make you tell me, but I will make you cheer him up!" she giggled. Even though she wasn't serious, I felt bad... I had caused this pain for him, and I felt like telling her so. Of course, then she would tell me to leave and I would be back where I started, so I decided to just smile and nod at her, ascending the stairs slowly.  
  
That was the slowest time of my life, ascending those stairs, just thinking about what I would say, if I would even be able to say anything.  
  
I froze and just stood there, facing the door. I said the words in my head again, 'It's now or never Riku.' I nodded to myself and reached out to the knob shakily. At the cold touch of the metal through my glove, I flinched, hanging my head shamefully wondering how I had let myself get so shaken from something so minor as this was.  
  
'But it'll change my life forever...'  
  
I opened my mouth in question of the statement I had just made, wondering how this could possibly change my life if I could just talk to Sora. I almost felt like I knew something I just couldn't put my finger on... whatever it was...  
  
I realised I had been standing there, mouth open, hand on doorknob, for ages. I shook my head at my ridiculousness and sucked in a choked breath as I turned the knob. It stopped midway. 'He's locked it, of course he has,' I thought, gritting my teeth at how seemingly difficult it was turning out to be.  
  
I brushed my hand through the ends of my hair, wondering if I should just knock... or whether I should just leave.  
  
"Just give it a knock hun," said Sora's mum with a raised questioning eyebrow, returning to her conversation on the phone. I gave her a weak forced smiled and shut my eyes briefly. I raised a tightly clenched hand up to eye level and tapped timidly at the door. I waited...  
  
'He's not coming...' I thought, as a feeling of hurt and disappointment passed through my mind. I sighed and swivelled around, my hair slapping me in the face before I trudged slowly towards the stairs.  
  
'I'm giving up?' I thought with annoyance at myself. I raised my head and smiled sadly, sighing once more as I turned back around and strode hurriedly towards the door. I jerked my hand at the knob and rattled it forcefully.  
  
"Sora!" I yelled, trying not to sound as desperate as I really was. I  
  
raised the fist I wasn't using to rattle the doorknob with and thrashed on the door with it, yelling his name over and over again. I stopped attacking his door, panting from the energy it took to almost beat the door down. I put my ear to the door to hear if Sora was coming to get the door, but all I could hear was unsteady breathing from inside the room.  
  
"Sora..." I growled irritably, clenching my fists harder, knowing that if my hands weren't gloved my nails would have drawn blood by now. I thrust my hand towards the knob once more and rattled it harder, as loud as I possibly could.  
  
Suddenly I heard a click and I felt the knob turn around the whole way smoothly. My eyes widened at the fact that I had just unlocked Sora's door from the other side. 'Crappy lock,' I thought, smiling briefly before I pushed the door slowly. I entered the room reluctantly, nervousness that Sora would scream for me to get out.  
  
I curved my neck around the corner, peering in at the cluttered room. I scanned the room for Sora, raising my eyebrows at the thought of him hiding from me. Then I saw the bundle in the bed, scruffy brown spikes protruding from the blankets. I felt a wave of guilt at how I had been battering the door, thinking Sora was simply ignoring me.  
  
I walked over to the twisted covers and swallowed. 'What does this remind me of?' I thought bitterly, as I reached out to pull away the bedspread away from his face. I immediately felt awful when I did, seeing the streaked cheeks and worried expression that had implanted itself on his face even when he was sleeping. I could see how puffy his eyes were, and wondered how long he had been crying for.  
  
I pulled off my gloves and lay them on the bedside table, wanting to touch his delicate looking cheek, and become familiar with my best friend's touch again.  
  
'That's right, best friend, you keep telling yourself that.'  
  
I bit my lip hard, wondering where this second voice had come from. Lately it had been emerging so much, confusing me with things I didn't think I felt... things that I was sure were just my mind telling me possibilities that were now open...  
  
I shook my head to try and free it from the thoughts that I couldn't deter, and reached out shyly towards Sora, feeling the soft, wet surface of his cheek. I pushed his bangs out of his face and smiled tenderly at the wonderful weight that I could feel lifting off of my heart.  
  
I sighed quietly and felt like soothingly waking him up, softly and sweetly, but I knew this was the very same Sora and I would have to shake him to get him up. I pulled the blanket away from him gently, exposing his bare shoulder and making him look strangely vulnerable. I could feel my eyes narrowing at his bare skin, and took a deep breath to steady myself.  
  
I wiped my sweaty hands on my pants and cupped his shoulders gently, feeling him flinch automatically from the contact. I shook him lightly, whispering his name as he screwed up his face.  
  
"S-Sora... um, Sora?" I said, trying my hardest to raise my voice higher than the whisper it had come out as when I last tried to say his name.  
  
I kept shaking him, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I longed for him to wake up just so I could let go of him.  
  
"Mmm... Mmm?" mumbled Sora sadly, flopping his hand at me in a motion telling me he wanted to keep sleeping.  
  
I cleared my throat, ready to speak up so he could hear and recognise my voice, rather than thinking I was his mum or something.  
  
"Sora, wake up!" I said croakily, but still audibly.  
  
Sora's eyes immediately snapped open, and I jerked my hands back from his shoulders. I smiled coolly, and had to stop myself from giving him that mocking look I always used on him. He bolted upright, the blankets falling down to expose his bare chest. He squealed something in a whisper, and I backed away slightly, still feeling a little intimidated by his feelings for me.  
  
"Sora..." I started, trying to get the words out, to tell him that kissing Kat had just been a means of comfort, to say sorry like I had meant to. But... now that I was here it didn't seem to be so easy.  
  
Sora's red eyes widened at the sound of his name, and pulled up the blanket to his chest with fumbling fingers. I felt very sympathetic at that gesture, because I knew how it was to feel exposed and naked to someone. I never really realised that Sora could be feeling that same way too...  
  
I took a deep breath and began to talk slowly to the wide-eyed boy in front of me, who was just sitting there waiting for me to explain why I was here.  
  
"I'msorrySora," I blurted out, trying to hide the scowl that had automatically formed on my lips. Saying sorry to Sora was so hard, when I knew that I had gone through just as much pain as he had... though that still gave me no justification for kissing Katarina.  
  
"For what?" Sora said shakily, and I had the feeling that he was meaning to say "For which part?" rather than questioning if I needed to be sorry.  
  
"I just needed comfort and... she was the only one there and... I didn't mean to... I don't even like her... I mean-"  
  
"Riku," Sora butted in, "please, stop talking." he murmured and turned away from me. I swear I saw a tear escape his eye as he turned away. I felt the singing sensation of a sudden rush of tears fill my eyes, and now I didn't care if Sora saw me. Maybe then he would believe me. A single wet tear streaked the side of my face, and once that had escaped, the rest came out in hot trails down my cheeks.  
  
"Don't turn away from me Sora!" I cried out in a cracked voice.  
  
Sora turned a sorrow-filled face towards me. He made an almost silent gasp at my crying, and turned back towards me. He didn't know what to do, how to comfort me... he didn't even know if I wanted comfort from him... Well how could he? I didn't even know if I wanted comfort from him.  
  
"R-Riku... um, are you ok?" he said uneasily. I nodded in response, but I knew that wasn't all I would be able to say. I would have to tell him about what this was doing to me.  
  
"Sora, do you even realise how much this all screws everything up?" I started with a sigh. Sora looked a little taken back, and slightly hurt, but it had to be said, "We're best friends Sora, what happened to that? When did that end?"  
  
Sora opened his mouth to answer me, but shut it almost immediately and bit his lip.  
  
"Ok Sora, I'm sorry. You know I am, or else I wouldn't have said so, but... I don't know, you just have to understand how much this is confusing me, not to mention hurting me."  
  
"How is it confusing you?" Sora piped in, with a trembling lip and watery eyes. I clenched my eyes shut and let out a sad sigh, preparing myself to come up with an answer, without sounding like I was questioning my sexuality.  
  
"I don't know... I guess I just don't know how long it's been like this, and now everything's turned around, and I've only just learnt about the lie I've been living," I blurted out suddenly. I felt bad, because even though it was true, that's not what had been confusing me. I knew what head been confusing me, it was that damned second voice that popped up in my mind any time I tried to justify how I felt. The voice that told me the possibilities that couldn't be, the possibilities that were open yet impossible to me.  
  
I realised that I had just been standing there, staring past Sora, while he fumbled awkwardly and shifted his gaze all around the room. I reached out my hand without thinking, to comfort him, and he flinched at the contact made by my bare hand to his neck. He looked up at me with scared eyes and I realised what I was doing. I pulled my hand back and straightened my face as though I hadn't done anything at all. Sora looked at me confusedly and touched the top of his neck where I had touched him, fingering the spot gently with slender tanned fingers.  
  
"Riku," he began to say, with the confusion sticking in his eyes, "what are you doing here?"  
  
I sighed once more at his bluntness and shook my head, wondering why I really was standing here, by Sora.  
  
"Look... You think I'm not hurting like you?" I said, slightly snapping. Sora just looked at me with those big watery eyes, still dripping with tears. I bit my lip, wondering what to say now that I knew I was stuck. I didn't know how to answer him, because all I wanted was to be his best friend again.  
  
"Riku... How do you really feel about this?" Sora exclaimed nervously.  
  
"About what?" I answered, with raised eyebrows.  
  
"When you read that... I was... well, gay... What did you think?"  
  
"Sora, being gay doesn't change you at all," I said, smiling warmly yet confusedly.  
  
"Then what does?" he said calmly. I looked at him with surprise, not only at his calmness, but also at the strangeness of the question.  
  
"You know what," I answered quietly, looking down at my feet.  
  
"Why does it matter? You're still my best friend... you've always know I love you, right? No, I mean... just, like friends... Well, what's the difference then? Can't we just still be friends? You love me like a friend, and don't you dare deny it," said Sora, more maturely than I had ever seen him before.  
  
"Of course I do Sora, I wouldn't lie to you like that... but I don't know how to explain why I'm so scared."  
  
"Maybe this will help you find out," Sora said in a husky voice, leaning closer to me, and brushing away a strand of stray hair in front of my eyes. His mouth sought mine hungrily, and they pressed against me desperately. I just stood there, limp and scared and crying, with the comfort of Sora's kiss drawing me further into this new world that had begun just a few hours ago.  
  
That night was the night I realised I was really in love... that the second voice was right. I still wouldn't let myself believe it though, and my naivety towards the situation astounds me still, to this very day. It was only then that I really began to understand my angel...  
  
(A/N: Ok guys, Australian Idol just finished and the winner, Guy Sebastion, just released his new song, which fits perfectly with this fic. It's the perfect song for this story, and I was so happy when I heard it!!! It's a very pretty song, so read it and I hope it makes you as happy as it made me!!)  
  
It's been a long and winding journey  
  
But I'm finally here tonight  
  
Picking up the pieces  
  
Walking back into the light  
  
To the sunset of your glory  
  
Where my heart and future lies  
  
There's nothing like that feeling  
  
When I look into your eyes  
  
My dreams came true  
  
When I found you  
  
I found you, my miracle  
  
If you could see what I see  
  
That you're the answer to my prayers  
  
And if you can feel  
  
The tenderness I feel  
  
You would know  
  
It would be clear  
  
That angels brought me here  
  
Standing here before you  
  
Feels like I've been born again  
  
Every breath is your love  
  
Every heartbeat speaks your name  
  
My dreams came true  
  
Right here in front of you  
  
My miracle  
  
If you could see what I see  
  
You're the answer to my prayers  
  
If you could feel  
  
The tenderness I feel  
  
You would know  
  
It would be clear  
  
That angels brought me here  
  
Brought me here to be with you  
  
I'd be forever grateful Oh, forever faithful  
  
My dreams came true  
  
When I found you  
  
My miracle  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Ok, well I liked that chappie, coz Sora and Riku FINALLY kissed ^_^ *claps and twirls around doing a happy dance* Of course, there's going to be a lot more complications involving our lovely couple, but it'll all eventually work out, ok? Well... thanks for reviewing, keep on at it!!! Hugglez to you all!!  
  
xoxo Eva McBeava 


End file.
